Tests, quizzes, papers, sports games, extracurricular activities. On a daily basis, students have to manage numerous events while juggling expectations and pressure from others.
Marksmen are no strangers to having overachieving older siblings. Whether they are the captain of the football team or student council president, to the younger siblings it can feel repetitive to hear about the success of their brothers.
“This comparison absolutely does affect mental health,” Director of Marksman Wellness Center Dr. Gabby Reed said, “First of all, humans are born to compare themselves to other people, from an evolutionary perspective. If you think about it, comparing ourselves to other people and sort of either going with the flow or rising to the occasion are very evolutionary traits.”
This comparison can lead the younger sibling to set unachievable goals just to please his parents and hopefully reach the greatness of the older sibling. It is a toxic motivation that rarely works while it builds anxiety.
“You are a completely different person than your sibling,” Reed said, “And depending on your age difference, your brain is at a completely different point than that person’s brain.”
Reed believes that a different type of comparison can help the younger sibling learn from his older sibling. This healthy comparison functions by the parents praising hard work instead of outcomes.
“It’s about the fact that you studied for six hours that the younger sibling is going to go: that’s what my parents care about,” Reed said.
Even though parents can help to relieve this stress, Reed explains that the real helper can be the older sibling himself. She states that by communicating with the younger sibling and helping him feel more at peace, the older sibling can effectively relieve stress.
“I think it’s an uncomfortable conversation,” Reed said. “Once you start having them, and regular conversations about your feelings and stuff, then it’s a normal thing,
Sophomore Dylan Bosita has felt both ends of the spectrum when it comes to being compared to his siblings.
“I do think there’s some part of me that looks at them like I have to be just as good as them in order to get to a good college and get to where I want to be,” Bosita said.
But Bosita also believes that staying close to his family and having a close relationship with them is a big factor that contributes to his success at school and outside of it.
“I definitely couldn’t be where I am right now without them,” Bosita said, “Them being here is huge and not even just for mentoring, but also their presence and knowing that, you’re not doing it by yourself, especially because my brothers went and are going to the same school as me.”
One major stressor for seniors is the college application process. Though the process typically begins in the spring of junior year, balancing applications, schoolwork and extracurricular activities is immensely taxing. Parental pressure to perform can also play a large role in making senior year demanding. For senior Jediel Sarfo, the college process intensified an already busy schedule.
“All throughout the first semester, the application is looming over everything, and (you) know those deadlines had to be hit,” Sarfo said. “We had less time and I think through that, you have to find new ways to manage the pressure and the mental toll.”
It is not uncommon for each college application to take several hours, a drain on the already limited time that seniors have to work around. To some, this change can start to take a toll on other activities.
“During my entire time in high school, I’ve always been getting A’s in English, but this semester I got my first B in English,” Sarfo said. “It was mainly because of time management stuff with college applications, and it ends up taking a lot of your energy because I’ll spend a night working on an essay and in the morning I have a research paper to work on still.”
While many seniors are going to receive their dream accomplishment, there are still many that face rejection. The fear of the unknown and rejection can begin to affect mental health and cause immense amounts of stress.
“They’ve put in so much work only to get deferrals or rejections from certain schools,” Sarfo said, “It can feel like an attack on what you’ve put in, but it doesn’t take away what you’ve put in.”
To overcome this stress and anxiety, Sarfo believes in a better and more positive mindset and focusing on a clear goal in mind.
“I think what’s more important is your mindset and what you have up here, and your overarching purpose,” Sarfo said, “And so if you have that clear, you’ll realize that it doesn’t actually matter as much where you go as long as you keep your overarching purpose.”