For Associate Headmaster John Ashton, gratitude begins with recognition.

Recognition of the little details that get lost in everyday life.

Recognition of what he has been given but did not earn.

Recognition of the work of generations before him.

Each and every day, he realizes that he and hundreds of students walk across a campus they did not build.

When he looks around campus, he sees more than buildings. He notices the bricks from Davis Hall surrounding the Quad. He knows the stories behind the names on walls. He remembers watching the Path to Manhood Statue’s massive steel pillars sink 10 feet into the ground during its construction. For him, those intricate details, which could easily fade into the background, take on vivid meaning and bring life to the school.

“All of us are recipients of so much that we didn’t necessarily create, but that we experience and benefit from,” Ashton said.

But while gratitude is powerful, it often arrives late. Ashton has seen how easy it is to miss the moment until it’s gone — realizing what someone meant only after they’re gone, or perhaps wishing you had said the thing you had meant to say while you still could. That regret serves as a reminder to be grateful.

For junior Anderson Lee, that reminder has come through seeing how quickly time has flown by.

“Sometimes in school, I’ll be looking at the clock and wondering ‘when is this day going to be over?’ And I really have that kind of ‘let’s get through’ this mindset,” Lee said. “But when I look back, it’s already been 11 years that I’ve been at St. Mark’s, and sometimes I feel like I haven’t really taken in the whole experience. And so that is something I kind of regret.”

As Lee has gotten older, he has tried to respond more intentionally — sending quick texts to his friends, expressing his appreciation to teachers and coaches face to face and letting people know what they have meant to him in the moment before it’s over.

Every year for the holidays, Lee visits his family in Houston, a tradition that feels more significant annually.

“Recently, with all the cousins getting older and moving out, and some of my grandparents passing away, I just think that these could be the final years (with some family members) and really appreciate it,” Lee said. “And I think going to Houston to see family is a custom that I’ve done forever, and it’s a good reminder of how important family is.”

Like Lee, Ashton’s perspective reminds him to express gratitude while he still can. He has consistently sent handwritten thank-you notes — to a former English teacher, to his high school football coach, to a mentor he hadn’t spoken to in years. For him, even the smallest acts of gratitude have gone a long way — for both the recipient and the giver.

“To me, there’s nothing like getting a letter, a handwritten note, because it transcends time forever,” Ashton said. “I have notes I go back to from years ago, and when you open them up you know they were penned by someone’s hand at the moment.”

During the holiday season, for both Ashton and Lee, everything is about intentionality.

Recognition first, then response — the handwritten letters, the everlasting gestures of appreciation.

And finally, the responsibility of stewarding the benefits they have received and becoming the benefactors for the future generation. Accepting the duty of being the one who gives and expects nothing in return.

At the school, that intentionality is reinforced through annual projects. For years, students have written one or two handwritten notes of appreciation before Thanksgiving for a Leadership Loop, and sophomores spend months writing a fifteen page family history paper in the spring.

“When we talk about the Family History Paper, you learn those stories about the sacrifices, decisions that were made that have positioned you to be here at St. Mark’s,” Ashton said. “That’s a project that lifts us up and gives us perspective, in the same way as walking around this campus.”

And while the strongest feelings of gratitude may often emerge around the holidays, it is something that can be practiced habitually. Even simple traditions — like naming one thing everyone is grateful for at Thanksgiving dinner — can spark genuine reflection.

These small gestures and practices can still bring limitless benefits, and the collective sum of those moments, thoughts and actions forms the deepest sense of gratitude.

Ultimately, gratitude is a habit that must be practiced consistently to fully reap its rewards. 

“You only have the time you have right now,” Ashton said. “So how can we maintain real recognition of the finite aspect of the time we have together so that we can take full advantage of what it means to be here together.”