Coming off a personal best freshman basketball season, I was eager to get back on the court and play for the JV team. I just had to get through preseason. After completing a week of rigorous practices starting at 6:30 in the morning, tryouts began. It was nice to get into rhythm with basketball again – the pre-practice stretching, lacing up my basketball shoes, sprinting up and down the court.
Without warning, I took a blow that threw my life off-course, starting with an elbow to the top of the head. I can still picture myself stumbling around the court, hand on my head, sharp pain reverberating. A chilling feeling of queasiness wouldn’t let me be, lingering in the pit of my stomach. My mind racing in opposite directions, I splashed water on my face. I can’t have a fifth concussion, I’m fine. I shook it off and kept practicing.
I returned home to a gas leak that distracted me from the pain. Since it wasn’t safe to sleep at home that night, we went to a hotel and I struggled to fall asleep. During my first period English class, I felt suspended in time, staring into space with only a headache pulsating me back to reality.
A failed ImPACT test, four hours of sleep in the nurses office and a drive home later was when I realized the inevitable had happened – I had a fifth concussion. It took a month for my headaches to subside. I was swamped with make-up work, occupying my holidays. I just had to complete the return-to-play program and I would be back on the court.
Finally, my first practice back arrived. I was excited to get back into the flow of things and play my first game with the team. We were playing a three-on-three tournament near the end of practice and I was shooting well and having fun. I didn’t know it would be the last time.
When my teammate ran out of bounds to save the ball and throw it back in, the ball slammed straight into my forehead, sending me flying backwards onto the hard-wood floor. All I heard was my teammates’ laughter as I got back up. I felt that same chilling queasiness as I continued practicing, too scared to admit defeat and sit out.Later that night, I fought against the pain in my head, trying to study. Pain won.
That’s when I quit.
A month later, I’m struggling to make up my eight tests and multiple quizzes, while also dealing with the current work that keeps piling on. Instead of skiing over Christmas break, I did my homework.
It’s not easy watching my teammates play from the bench. I still show up because I want to feel like I’m still on the team, even though I know I’m not. I didn’t know something I loved so much could be taken away from me so abruptly. I know it’s better to protect my head, but when I watch my friends suit up before games without injuries holding them back, I would give anything in the world to cut all of my concussions out of my life and live like a normal person.
But it’s not the same.
