I’d say I am a pretty competitive guy. I want everyone around me to do well, but I want to win. I enjoy winning. And the thing I’ve been trying to win throughout high school has been an SPC championship in lacrosse.
Last Friday, we beat St. John’s at home in the semifinals. It was a dominant performance. The energy was good. Everyone was excited for the final versus ESD. I loved that win.
Fast forward to after the ESD game, and I have to stand and watch our rivals hoist the trophy in their huddle, cheering while doing so, for the tenth year in a row. All four of my high school SPC championships have been lost to ESD. I hated this loss.
What made this loss especially tough is the fact that there isn’t a second chance, not one more year I can come back and finally get the job done. All of my SPC championships were lost to ESD.
So as I stood there, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Regret. Anger. Sadness. It all hit me.
And as I’ve thought about it more this weekend, it really is hitting me how many lasts I will be going through in these next few weeks.
I will have my last chapel. My last advisory. My last Upper School assembly. My last St. Mark’s lacrosse practice. So many lasts coming in the next few weeks.
In thinking about these last events, I realized that the anger, sadness and regret I felt could be a postitive. It is a reminder of how meaningful these moments are in my life. If there were infinite opportunities to win an SPC championship, then it wouldn’t mean so much to win one.
The same thing goes for all of my other school events. There are only so many times that the entire school gathers for convocation. Everyone crowds into the Great Hall, students packing the floor.
In the moment during each of the convocations in the past, they have flown by and seemed liked something that would exist forever.
On the lacrosse field, it seemed like there would always be another morning lift on a Monday, or another day with milk and cookies after practice.
It always seemed like there would be one more Hammer 44 drill or Blue vs White scrimmage day.
So back to me standing there, watching ESD celebrate. I look back at that with a different perspective now.
Life is full of finite moments. That is what makes it so special.
To me, there is one shot at pushing off these lasts. In three weeks, SMLAX will start its state playoff run. One more chance to get a win I’ve been searching for these last four years.
But in the end, I will know that I will have more and more of these last moments in my life. I shouldn’t stress about one of these moments too long after it passes or try and delay the inevitable.
As Matthew McConaughey said, “You just got to keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.”